My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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