youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
