my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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