You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
