Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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