is your mom at the bar?
She's JV to your varsity
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
