wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
