White coat. Heels.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize