Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
