The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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