What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
