i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
