dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
