Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
