he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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