3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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