next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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