I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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