How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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