I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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