You can't motorboat a personality
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
