: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My pussy is not your playground.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
