My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
