I think my vagina is haunted
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
