Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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