i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
