Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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