There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
