made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
