btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
