It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
