Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
