no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
