Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
