Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
