I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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