I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
