five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
