Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
