Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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