...so i touched it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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