I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is the high leading the old right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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