no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
