My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
