idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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