From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
