well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How naked do you want me to be?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
