So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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