These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
God I need to hump something, right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
