he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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