I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
