My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
