So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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