Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
