Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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