And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
