i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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