I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
