look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fuck your aforementioned shoe
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
