I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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