I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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