apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
