your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
