Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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