Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MIDGETS
????
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
