Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
