whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
