im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
