I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have aggressive nipples.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
