I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
there is glitter all over my balls
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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