There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize