Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
