I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize