I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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