Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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