As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize