he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
