OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
