She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
