Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
