is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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