Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
