apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
