i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
