I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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I need you to use more vowels.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
