Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
