I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
