i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
