if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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