Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
