I'm so fucking centered right now
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize