So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize