you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
